Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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