Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
