I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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