my sisters under your porch take her home
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
