i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
