apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
