in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
