Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
