You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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