apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
