If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He better not be in your backpack
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
