I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if only i could text you this smell
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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