The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
