Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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