i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
