Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
