he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
