he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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