i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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