stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
