Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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