id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
