but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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