And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
