In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
