i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
