dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dick very happy bro
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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