Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
