She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
