Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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