Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
