Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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