FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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