She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
