that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
