you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
