I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
