Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
