Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
