Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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