I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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