apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Someone came in the potted fern
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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