I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
