We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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