Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
