i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
