My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
