I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
