the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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