I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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