How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
