I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this beer tastes like vomit already
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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