Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
