You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
