I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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