ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
