i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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