I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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