i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
