38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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