So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
