she woke up with a sticky ear
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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