In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
