Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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