I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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