Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We were destined to go to rehab together
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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