if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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