I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
