butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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