I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
