Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
