you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
