thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
