dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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