Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
